Monday, December 22, 2008

And how exactly do you sign the cards....

WNTNTB will be on hiatus until the new year. New names will be stacked in the arsenal and ready to kick off 2009. Until then here are some of my favorite recent "weird name" articles.

Swedish couple fights to name their baby Metallica,2933,263700,00.html

Judge makes child a ward of the court to change her name from Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii

The real Dow and Indiana Jones

And then... the child with 25 middle names

Friday, December 19, 2008

50% off- Today Only

Last minute holiday shopping and bargain basement markdown names. Ah, I love December.

Here's today blue light specials:

Tuesdy (not a was spelled with no 'a')
Sundae (and if her brother's name is Whipped Cream I'm done!)
Trill (so many jokes are coming...)
Ly'Rique (wtf???)
Brax (not Braxton, just Brax like they were just too lazy to spell it
Trentnidy (
Vanity (I'ma sex shooter/shooting love in you de de de/de de de deeeeee. MY bad!)
Hennessy (so ghetto fab)
and this catastrophe:

side commentary: Neveah (which is Heaven spelled backwards) is a name which I am increasing starting to dislike because it is becoming waaaay too trendy for it's own good. The novelty has worn off. So to take an already too trendy name and try to spell it creatively creates an ill fated disaster waiting to happen as with the above. *Smdh* Huge sigh. Eyes rolling. Smacking forehead.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Well, mommy had a craving for... let me explain this one. I want to say this can't be this child's real name. Benefit of the doubt is that the parents wrote down a nickname on the card they give you to fill out when the baby gets his/her picture taken--because no parent in their right mind could possibly think this was a great name for a girl. However---if I am wrong, and I very well could be...

See for yourself... *smh*. Click on it to get a better look.

Yes... it's Pumpkin Pie.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Everything is Bigger in Texas

Well, I already picked on Georgia, so today is my ode to the great state of Texas. These are oddly named children born in the lone star state

Boston (um...ok)
Jaxxsen (he'll have to lap dance to make enough to add that extra X to his name)
Ga'Zelle (def: an animal, usually found in Africa and hunted by lions for food)
Symphony (actually...I kind of like this one, I've just never seen it used as a name before hence why it made the list)
Beyonce (no comment)
Alizey (the liquor was kickin in when they picked the name)
Tatorey (insert your own jokes and one liners here)
Riot (wtf????)
Evili (it's just cutting it too close to Evil)
Fester (again wtf???? the only thing that would've made this my best find ever was if their last name had been Adams)

and my new Texas favorite:

Azriel the parents' defense this is a legitimate Jewish name, HOWEVER maybe it's me, but it will always make me think of Gargamel's cat on the Smurfs--it's not quite spelled the same, but...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I Can't Imagine What the Invitations Would Say...

Wow. My co-worker was nice enough to send me this. This isn't so much a bad baby name story as it is just confusingly ironic.

The gist of the story is ShopRite grocery store refused to make a cake for a 3 year old's birthday party because... wait for it, wait for it... the child's name is Adolf Hitler.

Here's the link:

Oh, btw their other child is named Aryan Nation

I. am. at. a. total. loss. for. words.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Stocking Stuffers

We're all in the spirit of Christmas shopping and bargain no category today. Today's list is just recent random finds--or better yet, why don't we just call these stocking stuffers

Harlem (did I or did I NOT talk this name up like 3 blogs ago??? LMAO)

Gemini (who btw is a Libra)
Xaxier (I don't know how to pronounce it, I won't try, don't ask)

Prince Exzodus (what did we say about random X's and Z's? did we learn NOTHING last week)
Sisco (insert random "Thong Song" joke here--P.S. Cisco-spelled as so and as seen in the photo is also an alcoholic beverage)

J-Z (that is sooooo NOT a typo)
Atreyu (does anyone besides me remember "The Neverending Story"?)

and today's winner of the "I hope your name does not set the tone for you future" award:


Friday, December 12, 2008

Spare parts

I typically update this blog during the weekdays so I have time to research, but this just fell in my lap...

So, I was on my way home yesterday and I hear on the radio that (singer) Usher and his wife had a new baby boy. Their last son (born a year ago) is named...Usher Raymond the V. So I was kinda curious to know what the name would be...would he pull a George Foreman and go with Usher the VI? Ah, no so luck. The newest edition to the weird celeb baby roster is...

Naviyd Ely

Smh. Sigh.

Now Ely is not so bad...but Naviyd is a new one on me. Definitely made up, probably from the spare parts of other names they had on their list. I imagine the conversation going something like:

TF: If it's a girl how about Navy.
UR: Ok weird, but I like it, how about we go with David for a boy.
TF: Kinda boring but ok.
UR: Wait! We're celebrities why not follow the trend of coming up with some off the wall name that no one can pronounce and no one's ever heard of.
TF: Ok what do you suggest?
UR: Hmmm...

and the rest is history.

Here's the article from US Magazine

It's funnier when you see it in context...

So I found this name's not quite as bad as some of the other ones, but it tickled me.
Aside from being a tad bit what we call "country," you have to watch the following video for context and you'll see why I found it funny:

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Ah the good old days...and the holidays

So I was poking around for names today and came across this video. Earlier this year there was a great book called "Bad Baby Names." The authors did an interview on one of the morning shows. Here's the clip:

Inspired by this and in honor of the holiday season... I did a quick seach of for some quirky holiday related names.

Wreath Sellers
Candy Cane

Mistletoe Soldier
Holiday Coester

Holiday Holiday
North Pole
Sister Mary Nativity
Blitzen A Giannopulos
Hanukkah Walker
Snow Day
December Lewis
New Year
Santa Claus
Christmas Eve
Christmas Day

and of course several people named...

Merry Christmas

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Brought to You By the Letters XY and Z

XY and Z are easliy the 3 most confusing letters of the alphabet. Because, placed in ANY word they instantly causes confusion concerning spelling and pronounciation...not to mention there are few vowel combinations that work with those particular X and Z.

So why then may I ask do some parents feel the need to sprinkle X's so liberally into a child's name that if you removed all the other letters they become close to porn status.

See for yourself...

( 76 points in Scrabble)/Iaexavier
(must be related to Xzavious)

Yquivius (Who’s his little brother? Wachovia?)

Winner of the eXceptionally confusion combination of letters award:


Winner of the X factor award for outstanding achievement using one letter:

Xaylor Xayden Xeray

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

WTF??? Are You Serious????

OK... I came across a photo of this name on flickr. I thought perhaps it was a photoshop job, but alas no!

No combination of names, nicknames or variations thereof are going to make this any less painless for this kid.

Here's the actual link to the birth announcement posted in the Spokesman Review (WA state):

But um, I'm just gonna let the announcement speak for itself:

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Huked on Fonix Wurks Foar Mi

From the text message generation comes the ever annoying trend of purposely "misspelling" names...

Now, before you get your knickers in a bunch, I'm not talking about minor variations i.e. Eric/Erik or John/Jon...

I'm talking about adding so many extra letters and syllables that the child's name begins to resemble the Soul Train scamble board. Let me just give you who think this trend is cute, a quick lesson in the English language, certain letters do not make a natural sound when forcibly smushed together--i.e X and J, hence they should NOT be combined to try to make an otherwise normal sounding name "look" different or exotic...

For example...

Ayrikka (Erica)
Daisja (Deja)
Cerenitee/Sirrenitie (Serenity)
Aun'dreyah (Andrea)
Sacoiya/Sikoya (as if Sequoia wasn't hard enough for most people to spell)
Nah'Diyaa (Nadia)
(can I buy a vowel?)
Kneah (Nia)

And the winner of the your name will ALWAYS be flagged when you do spell check award:

Vyquetoriya (Victoria)

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Someday you'll have your 15 minutes...

Last post it was the NFL, today like papparazzi on a mission I'm targeting celebrities...well at least bad celebrity baby names. Unlike the judges in the OJ trial, I will not let their celebrity status get them off the hook for these egregious crimes against their offspring. Oranges and Apples are one thing, but some of these folks have taken the word celebrity to a whole new level...

Well look at it like this, they're rich, so at least their kids can afford the years of therapy it will take to undo the damage.

Jermajesty son of Jermaine Jackson
Denim Cole and Diezel Ky sons of singer Toni Braxton (jeans and gas…what were you thinking?)
Atlanta Noo child of John Taylor of Duran Duran
Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee actor Jason Lee of My Name is Earl
Speck Wildhorse singer, John Mellencamp
Audio Science actress Shannyn Sossamon
Kyd son of David Duchovny and Tea Leoni
Moxie Crimefrighter and Zolten daughter and son of Penn Gillette of Penn & Teller
Tu child of Rob Morrow and Debbie Ayre…and yes the kid’s name is Tu Morrow
Rebel, Rocket, Racer and Rogue (Robert Rodriguez, director)
Pirate son of Jonathan Davis, singer Korn
Seven and Puma son of Erykah Badu and Andre 3000 from Outkast and daughter of rapper DOC
Kingston and Zuma Nesta Rock- Gwen Stefani
Poet and Jagger Joseph Blue (a girl by the way!!)- Soleil Moon-Frye (aka Punky Brewster )
Bluebell Madonna Geri Halliwell (of the Spice Girls)
Calico daugher of rocker Alice Cooper
Whizdom and Tryumph- daughters of NBA star Jayson Williams
Yamma child of the late great James Brown
Alchamy Lance Henriksen/ Jane Pollack
Rebop child of Todd Rundgren
Elijah Bob Patricus Guggi Q , son Bono of U2
Banjo son of Rachel Griffiths
Bamboo son of rapper Big Boi of Outkast
Blue Angel The Edge (of U2)
Ptolemy son of actress Gretchen Mol

And my absolute favorite...I can't remember what the initials actually stand for...

I.P. Freely son of actor David Carradine

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

NFL- "Named Foolishly League"

I don't like football. Really I don't. I just can't seem to get into a sport where a bunch of grown men wearing tight pants chase around a piece of leather while purposely tackling each other, patting each other on the a$$ and then dance around like MC Hammer on crack once they reach the end zone (several hours later).

However, it has not escaped my attention that along with having big muscles, no neck, some speed and a willingness to endure brutal punishment at the hands of 300 pound men hitting you head on in your guts for a million plus bucks a year, an odd name seems almost a prerequisite for joining the NFL.

So after some research and consultation with a few guy friends of mine here are some of the more off the wall names of real (mostly current) NFL players. Most of these are first name only...although I did find a few intriguing first/last name combinations.

Ocho Cinco (it's legally changed)
Shawntae (typically this is a girl's name)
Ritchie Incognito
Syndric Steptoe

And my favorite just because you really can't say it with a straight face...

Dick Butkus

Monday, December 1, 2008

Georgia on my mind

In honor of my visit last week, today I want to pay special hommage to the great state of Georgia.

Now just so you know, I have a special affinity for Georgia. I lived there for several years, my daughter was born there, etc. etc. However... I have met some rather "interestingly" named folks during my stint there. To prove that it's not just me, the local paper published a list last year of some of the more "exotic" names that have come up in birth records over the past few years. The list was pretty extensive and very funny...Here are some of my favorite/highlights. The numbers indicate how many children were given that particular name.

You can never say the phrase "you weren't born in a zoo"

Badger 1
Cobra 2
Coyote 1
Cricket 5
Lamb 1
Viper 1
Tiger 16
Manatee 1

And what do you want to be when you grow up?

Attorney 2
Doctor 1
Jockey 2
Guitarist 1
Writer 1
Poet 1
Spy 1

(could be least no one named their child Thief)

I did say Georgia right? I think these parents might've been a little confused about location

Atlanta 19
Chicago 2
Boise 2
Dallas 820
Houston 220
Juneau 1
Memphis 63
Montreal 25
Raleigh 104
Philadelphia 1

A bit of international sophistication only sounds swanky and exotic

Madrid 4
Malaysia 143
Korea 11
Jamaica 36
Antigua 1
Trinidad 12
Nigeria 67
Seoul 1
Tijuana 11

Someday, mommy is hoping for an endorsement deal

Adidas 2

Converse 2
Godiva 3
Ikea 20
L'oreal 3
Nike 1
Atari 4
Sega 1
Sony 3
Timberland 10

And the winner(s) of the I'll take one guess on what your parents we're thinking when they named you award:

Wachovia 13

Winner of the mommy obviously let daddy name the baby award:

Michelob (thank goodness there is only 1)

see more oddly named Georgians here

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Friday, November 21, 2008

I had a list all set up for today, until...

...I saw this.

Ashley Simpson. Lipsyching, nose job sporting...Lawd, lawd, she popped a bun out of the oven and chose to name him...

Bronx Mowgli

WTF??? I'm scratching my head. I'm trying to figure this out. I can't wrap my head around it. Aaaaaand I'm done. What's next? Harlem Cinderella or how about New Jersey Jimmeny Cricket

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Church Revivial...

I came across a few more names to add to the church collection plate...

Christian Benedict

Let the Church Say Amen!

Beyond Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Beyond Faith, Hope and Charity. Beyond even the ubiquitous Nevaeh (which for those of you out of the proverbial naming loop is Heaven spelled backwards)...there are those who chose to (ahem,) praise the Lord in a slightly more unorthodox manner. One day I fully expected to find that one of them has become a televangelist... HEAL!



Exodus (I actually found this one just today)



Winner of the the man upstairs really must have your back award:

God Shamgod (former NBA player for the Washington Wizards and YES that IS his real name). Could you imagine if you were to call his house…"Hello…yes, this is God speaking..."

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Pick Your Punctuation

I know I'm stepping on some toes here, but I have to be honest...nothing irks me more than when parents decide-- in a misguided effort to make their child's name look more unique or exotic than it actually is --to sprinkle accent marks, periods, dashes, apostrophes at various intervals and usually in conjunction with letters that normally do not go together to form any natural sound in the English language.

Why? (rolling eyes!)

First of all nothing confuses computers (and people for that matter) more than random punctuation marks. Second--is it really THAT hard to fill in the missing letter? Really? How much longer does it take to write the letter I than an apostrophe?

But then again, who am I to tell you that 14 letters, 3 apostrophes, 2 accent marks and a partridge in a pear tree is too much...

Here's today's list of hyphen offenders:

Mi’Angyell Bre’Shay

E-bone (Ebony)
D-Niaya (it's not just a river in Egypt)

And the winner of the golden quote mark award for most random misspelling using punctuation marks:


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I'm Rich B!t@H

I don't know whether to call these names "wishful thinking," but today's theme...well I'll let you figure it out...

Rich by design:



In a tough economy...

Jewel Lee

Flashy Cars:


Royally Rich:

Queen Anyza

Sir Von


Winner of the Rick James Memorial "I'm Rich B!t@H" award:


Winner of Blinged Out Baby Name Award:


Winner of the Regis Philbin Who (Really) Wants to Be a Millionaire Award:


Monday, November 17, 2008

They Get It From Their Mama...

You know, it's funny...

I've been searching birth announcements looking for oddly named children and it occured to me that I've come across some oddly named parents as well.

For the record, from my observations, parents with odd names seem to be MORE likey to give their children more "generic" names. Go figure! This goes to show what living with a weird name for 20 or 30 years will do...

Lehyslee (it's Leslie, with about 17 extra letters)




(if you watch Family Guy on a regular you know why this is funny)







and the winner of the thank goodness I am not named after you award...


Friday, November 14, 2008

Give "Peace" a Chance...

And now a word about word names...

There are certain words in the English language that actually work fairly well as names. Faith. Hope. Harmony. Journey. Destiny. Ok fine, those are do-able, if not slightly overdone.

There are some words however that are better left unspoken or rather unnamed--i.e. these I've come across:

Car (just Car...not Sentra,'s like I'm not sure what kind of Car just, Car)

Onestie/Ah’Nesti /Aunestie (I have seen about 14 different variations of this as a name. I don't know what that means. I'm just posting it up and leaving it alone.)
Rayon (I guess that's better than being named Polyester or Seersucker)


Winner of the Scripps National Spelling Bee Can-You-Use-It-in-a-Sentence Award:


Winner of the Rodney King "Can't We All Just Get Along" Award:


He had an excellent shot at being president...

In case anyone thinks I could possibly make this stuff up... this is a screen shot of a recent name I found. I blocked out all the identifying info except for the name. Click the picture to enlarge it. No commentary necessary.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Forget Paris, NAFTA and Scrabble

How to name a baby...

Step 1: Get a map book
Step 2: Open up said map book to any page
Step 3: Close your eyes and point to any random city/state/country
Step 4: Name child after random city/state/country
Step 5: Just for fun switch or add a few random letters in random city/state/country name
Step 6: Have fun explaining why your child is named random city/state/country name
Step 7: Repeat name of child/ random city/state/country name in annoyed voice while trying to figure out why people are giving you and your child funny looks.


Bostyn (born in North Carolina)
Connecticut (born in Massachusetts)
Pheonix (no, that is not a typo)
Nile River (I did not make that up!)
Arizona-Rayne (bonus for creating a double rule breaking oxymoron)

Winners of the Where in the World is Carmen SanDiego award:

Pre-Asia (apparently born circa 5000 B.C.)

all three born in North Carolina!

Winner of the best use of miscellaneous Scrabble tiles:

Jeorjia (worth 71 points)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Take 2 with Food. May Cause Severe Side Effects

Note to self: Sell naming rights to my next child to major pharmaceutical company

The trick to these names is to take any one of them and substitute it in an ad for any pharmaceutical product. Try it out with the following:

Side effects for naming your child any of the following may include:
  • Repeated mispronunciation and misspelling

  • Repeated head scratching and looks of bewilderment from others

  • Blank stares

  • Sudden thoughts of what-was-I-thinking

  • Dry mouth

  • Constipation from straining to remember how to spell it
I need an aspirin just to try and get through these:

Ritalin (you can’t possibly be serious?!?)
Allegra (why not Claritin for a girl or Sudafed for a boy)

Chlamydia (do I even need to explain what’s wrong with that one??)

And the winner of the most likely to have a condition named after you award:


Monday, November 10, 2008

Mapquest, Random Letters and a McChild

My latest name finds. Some of them speak for themselves:

Ryce (spell it how you want, it still requires chopsticks)
Boston (born in Columbus...graduates of the Sarah Palin school of geographic sciences)
Phoenys (I still can't figure out exactly how to pronounce this one--???)

Winner of the I will one day be on Maury Povich award:


Winner of the huked on fonix award for most awkward combination of random letters squeezed into a name:


(btw my guess is that is pronounced like Tah-ti-ah-na)

Bad Name of the Week. Attn: Please Pimp Slap Your Parents

I posted this in one of my other blogs, but I still can't get over the sheer, oh what's the word I'm looking for--ghetto fabulousness of this name.

And our winner is:


spelled just like you see it and pronounced (wait for it, wait for it...)

La DASH ah

Throws hands up. Shakes head in exhasperated silence.

Some of my favorites so far...

These are some of my favorites I have come across. The commentary is mine and not that I need to point this out, but it's totally meant to be sarcastic.

Bimberly (looks too much like Bimbo)

Espn (why not just name your child HBO or Cinemax)



Solaris (might not be too horrible if it weren't the name of a CAR!)

Aumbrey (means mispelled word in Spanish)

Uneqqee (as if Unique wasn't unique enough)

Bad Bad Baby Names

As if I don't have enought things to do besides starting yet another blog...

However, this one is special (and by request I might add).

For years, I have been keeping tabs on strange names. Don't ask why...I just find it completely facinating when parents find the urge to name their children something as assinine as TyLenol (yes that IS a real name).

So I've been keeping a list... and the list turned into some rules...and the rules have turned into a potential book which I am still currently working on.

So my friends keep coming at me with odd ball names. The list keeps getting bigger and so now by request I'm going to share. I don't make these up. I couldn't even if I wanted to. I try to double check that these are legitimate. Most of the names I research myself for purposes of the book so I can both qualify and verify that somewhere this name does exist (no matter how outrageous they may seem.

I welcome people to submit names. They must be real names. You don't have to include the last name unless the combination together makes it qualify for weirdness (i.e. April Showers). And please no urban legend names... Orangello/Lemonjello do exist somewhere in the universe I'm sure because someone always knows someone who knows them.