Sunday, November 30, 2008

Friday, November 21, 2008

I had a list all set up for today, until...

...I saw this.

Ashley Simpson. Lipsyching, nose job sporting...Lawd, lawd, lawd...so she popped a bun out of the oven and chose to name him...

Bronx Mowgli

WTF??? I'm scratching my head. I'm trying to figure this out. I can't wrap my head around it. Aaaaaand I'm done. What's next? Harlem Cinderella or how about New Jersey Jimmeny Cricket

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Church Revivial...

I came across a few more names to add to the church collection plate...

Praise
Jericho
Gloreymae
Christian Benedict
Halo
Promised
Prayden

Let the Church Say Amen!

Beyond Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Beyond Faith, Hope and Charity. Beyond even the ubiquitous Nevaeh (which for those of you out of the proverbial naming loop is Heaven spelled backwards)...there are those who chose to (ahem,) praise the Lord in a slightly more unorthodox manner. One day I fully expected to find that one of them has become a televangelist... HEAL!

Bless'n
Faithful
Prophecy
Tabernacle

Joiful
Natividad
Blessences
Almighty

Torah
Exodus (I actually found this one just today)
Breana-Immaculate
Chozen

Creed
Mercy
Heaven-Lee

Hallelujah

Winner of the the man upstairs really must have your back award:

God Shamgod (former NBA player for the Washington Wizards and YES that IS his real name). Could you imagine if you were to call his house…"Hello…yes, this is God speaking..."

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Pick Your Punctuation

I know I'm stepping on some toes here, but I have to be honest...nothing irks me more than when parents decide-- in a misguided effort to make their child's name look more unique or exotic than it actually is --to sprinkle accent marks, periods, dashes, apostrophes at various intervals and usually in conjunction with letters that normally do not go together to form any natural sound in the English language.

Why? (rolling eyes!)

First of all nothing confuses computers (and people for that matter) more than random punctuation marks. Second--is it really THAT hard to fill in the missing letter? Really? How much longer does it take to write the letter I than an apostrophe?

But then again, who am I to tell you that 14 letters, 3 apostrophes, 2 accent marks and a partridge in a pear tree is too much...

Here's today's list of hyphen offenders:

Midestin’e
Mi’Angyell Bre’Shay
Ja`veunce`
Chy’Nesha

Arerie’yel
E-bone (Ebony)
Roy'al
D-Niaya (it's not just a river in Egypt)
Lez'Aliyha
La'Pleasure

And the winner of the golden quote mark award for most random misspelling using punctuation marks:

Tray'c'

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I'm Rich B!t@H

I don't know whether to call these names "wishful thinking," but today's theme...well I'll let you figure it out...

Rich by design:

Polo
Cartier
Cartierre

Armani
Timberland

In a tough economy...

Luchieano
Cash
Jewel Lee
Ju'ell


Flashy Cars:

Denali
Bently
Aporscha


Royally Rich:

Queen Anyza
PrincessCharleston
Kontessica

Sir Von
Sirkayden

King
Empress

Winner of the Rick James Memorial "I'm Rich B!t@H" award:

Flashay

Winner of Blinged Out Baby Name Award:

Ice

Winner of the Regis Philbin Who (Really) Wants to Be a Millionaire Award:

Amillion

Monday, November 17, 2008

They Get It From Their Mama...

You know, it's funny...

I've been searching birth announcements looking for oddly named children and it occured to me that I've come across some oddly named parents as well.

For the record, from my observations, parents with odd names seem to be MORE likey to give their children more "generic" names. Go figure! This goes to show what living with a weird name for 20 or 30 years will do...

Lehyslee (it's Leslie, with about 17 extra letters)

Petite

Andromeda

Sha-Ta-Qua

Peatoria
(if you watch Family Guy on a regular you know why this is funny)

Tequilla

Wonder

Schowanna

Pack

Cambrane

Beauty

and the winner of the thank goodness I am not named after you award...

Gladiola

Friday, November 14, 2008

Give "Peace" a Chance...

And now a word about word names...

There are certain words in the English language that actually work fairly well as names. Faith. Hope. Harmony. Journey. Destiny. Ok fine, those are do-able, if not slightly overdone.

There are some words however that are better left unspoken or rather unnamed--i.e. these I've come across:

Car (just Car...not Sentra, Mercedes...it's like I'm not sure what kind of Car just, Car)
Canyon
Story
Epik
Debonaire
Spirit
Realatee
Ph’Ness
Namaste
Mercilis
Equalitie

Onestie/Ah’Nesti /Aunestie (I have seen about 14 different variations of this as a name. I don't know what that means. I'm just posting it up and leaving it alone.)
Little
Rayon (I guess that's better than being named Polyester or Seersucker)
Geyser
Joiful
Ju’Reika
Relic
RoweMance

Sekquence

Winner of the Scripps National Spelling Bee Can-You-Use-It-in-a-Sentence Award:

A'maizhin

Winner of the Rodney King "Can't We All Just Get Along" Award:

Rayce-Armoni

He had an excellent shot at being president...



In case anyone thinks I could possibly make this stuff up... this is a screen shot of a recent name I found. I blocked out all the identifying info except for the name. Click the picture to enlarge it. No commentary necessary.




Thursday, November 13, 2008

Forget Paris, NAFTA and Scrabble

How to name a baby...

Step 1: Get a map book
Step 2: Open up said map book to any page
Step 3: Close your eyes and point to any random city/state/country
Step 4: Name child after random city/state/country
Step 5: Just for fun switch or add a few random letters in random city/state/country name
Step 6: Have fun explaining why your child is named random city/state/country name
Step 7: Repeat name of child/ random city/state/country name in annoyed voice while trying to figure out why people are giving you and your child funny looks.

Voila!

Bostyn (born in North Carolina)
Connecticut (born in Massachusetts)
Pheonix (no, that is not a typo)
Londynn
Lundan
Jersey
Tia’Wanna
Nile River (I did not make that up!)
PrincessCharleston
Josie-Manhattan
Norwai
Arizona-Rayne (bonus for creating a double rule breaking oxymoron)

Winners of the Where in the World is Carmen SanDiego award:

Pre-Asia (apparently born circa 5000 B.C.)
Jo’Asia
Justaysia

all three born in North Carolina!

Winner of the best use of miscellaneous Scrabble tiles:

Jeorjia (worth 71 points)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Take 2 with Food. May Cause Severe Side Effects

Note to self: Sell naming rights to my next child to major pharmaceutical company

The trick to these names is to take any one of them and substitute it in an ad for any pharmaceutical product. Try it out with the following:





Side effects for naming your child any of the following may include:
  • Repeated mispronunciation and misspelling

  • Repeated head scratching and looks of bewilderment from others

  • Blank stares

  • Sudden thoughts of what-was-I-thinking

  • Dry mouth

  • Constipation from straining to remember how to spell it
I need an aspirin just to try and get through these:

Trilexcia
Janatica
Vasilija
Ritalin (you can’t possibly be serious?!?)
Zalax
Allegra (why not Claritin for a girl or Sudafed for a boy)
Galaxia
Jarexi
Santhonax
Ruchoma
Reasure

Chlamydia (do I even need to explain what’s wrong with that one??)
Cortzuruna

And the winner of the most likely to have a condition named after you award:

Chlomania

Monday, November 10, 2008

Mapquest, Random Letters and a McChild

My latest name finds. Some of them speak for themselves:

Koast
Aazanhya
McMarcus
Aunagabriella
Ryce (spell it how you want, it still requires chopsticks)
Sinatra
Modesty
Boston (born in Columbus...graduates of the Sarah Palin school of geographic sciences)
Phoenys (I still can't figure out exactly how to pronounce this one--???)
MeOnnika

Winner of the I will one day be on Maury Povich award:

Truthfully

Winner of the huked on fonix award for most awkward combination of random letters squeezed into a name:

Tauhtiounna

(btw my guess is that is pronounced like Tah-ti-ah-na)

Bad Name of the Week. Attn: Please Pimp Slap Your Parents

I posted this in one of my other blogs, but I still can't get over the sheer, oh what's the word I'm looking for--ghetto fabulousness of this name.

And our winner is:

La-a

spelled just like you see it and pronounced (wait for it, wait for it...)

La DASH ah

Throws hands up. Shakes head in exhasperated silence.

Some of my favorites so far...

These are some of my favorites I have come across. The commentary is mine and not that I need to point this out, but it's totally meant to be sarcastic.

Bimberly (looks too much like Bimbo)

Espn (why not just name your child HBO or Cinemax)

Miscellaneous

Say'Yonce

Solaris (might not be too horrible if it weren't the name of a CAR!)

Aumbrey (means mispelled word in Spanish)

Uneqqee (as if Unique wasn't unique enough)

Bad Bad Baby Names

As if I don't have enought things to do besides starting yet another blog...

However, this one is special (and by request I might add).

For years, I have been keeping tabs on strange names. Don't ask why...I just find it completely facinating when parents find the urge to name their children something as assinine as TyLenol (yes that IS a real name).

So I've been keeping a list... and the list turned into some rules...and the rules have turned into a potential book which I am still currently working on.

So my friends keep coming at me with odd ball names. The list keeps getting bigger and so now by request I'm going to share. I don't make these up. I couldn't even if I wanted to. I try to double check that these are legitimate. Most of the names I research myself for purposes of the book so I can both qualify and verify that somewhere this name does exist (no matter how outrageous they may seem.

I welcome people to submit names. They must be real names. You don't have to include the last name unless the combination together makes it qualify for weirdness (i.e. April Showers). And please no urban legend names... Orangello/Lemonjello do exist somewhere in the universe I'm sure because someone always knows someone who knows them.