All the Cool Kids Are Doing it Part IV

I can't help it... every time I get back to work on the book somehow I find myself back at the nameberry site...and it never fails I find some travestry splashed across the front page that perpetrates itself as the next "cool kid" name.

Sigh... for the love of Captain Crunch, please tell me none of these are trending.

Cello
Kinga
Gogol (anagram this and it's almost Google)
Nacho (side eye...really??)
Perpetua (now I looked this one up and discovered it's a Christian Saint, but that doesn't make the name any more likeable because I'm trying to figure out what her nickname would be)
Vionenet
Ring (you know if you're going to pick a word name...sigh...)
Fig
Utah
Quebec

Utah...

Utah Baby Namer has been around for awhile and I never fail to find some amazingingly hideous baby names. Kudos to them!

I love this site, because nothing screams "I'm a Mormon" like naming your child any of the following:

Allora LaLovi
Artax
Astrolena
AureJudd
Azer Baloo
Brighamena
Budge
Castle
Chevrolette
Confederat America
Daxson Ekewaka
Denim Levi
Friends Forsaken
Helamans Warrior
Hereditary
Honey Baretta
Mint
Perpegillion
Spoon
Thankful Flood
Welcome Exile
Zaragrunudgeyon

Tales From the Open Mic Part 2

I'm going to post a full list today, but I got yet another interesting name from a poetry spot...

A poet was doing a piece about childhood crushes and mentioned a girl by the name of ...

April January

Yes, that is her actual first and last name. Trust me we all asked. LOL. Actually, the irony is there are 9 months between April and January, but I digress.

So April January wherever you are, there is a poet who remembers you fondly.

All The Cool Kids Are Doing It...Part II

I couldn't resist...here are some more "supposedly cool" baby names from the "experts." SMH...

Elmo
Eilidh
Frost
Topaz
Danube
Severina
Plum
Varinia
Vermillion (!!!...!!!...!!!...??????????????)
Constant
Laragh (I believe this to be a horrible misconglomeration that's pronounced like "Laura")
Benajah (blank stare...)
Polexia (a disease which causes people to involuntarily vomit when you tell them your child's name)

All the Cool Kids Are Doing It...

The gurus of baby names are Satran & Rosenkrantz. They've written 10 books and collected thousands of names. Every so often I see them cited in baby name blogs hyping the latest in name trends.
...
Just today as I was scanning, I came across their list of "cool" baby names.

Um...Perhaps I missed the memo, but if this is what constitues "cool" ...

Well, [insert look of complete confuzzlement] I won't commentary I'll just let you decide. Here's a small sample of names that made their "cool" list:

Zinc
Romola
Cayenne
Henna
Currier
Phynley
Primus
Feather
Azuba
Beech
Prairie
Fyodor
Banjo
Huckleberry
Quadeisha
Tulsa
Picabia
Remember
Amsterdam
Django

I'll be over at the nerd table if anyone needs me.

WNTNYB--the Zodiac Edition

Ok... so my birthday just passed. And in honor of that today's post will honor...well let's just call them parents who are really into astrology...lmao

August (born in December)

Fortune

Gemini (who is a Libra born in Oct.)--actually I've seen this more than once

Mercury

Januari

December

Taurus
Solstice

Virgo

and last but not least...

September (born in august)

Scarred for Life

Why our children are going to be permanently scarred for life...

Exhibit A:

(signs that we are seriously in the middle of a financial crisis.)

Exhibit B:

(either this is a "smush" name that wasn't well thought out or somebody owns stock in Victoria's Secret)

Sigh!

Pimp My Kid

I'm so tired of people naming their kids after cars. When did this become trendy and why can't we hit the brakes. Next thing you know, the kid will have a custom diaper kit complete with spinners on the pacifier...



Plus I get the feeling some of these kids might be named after their place of conception.

Grande Marquis
Titan
Solaris
Cobra
Avalon
Caprice
Elantra
Jetta
Sequoia
Talon
Diamante
Legacy
Stealth
Cougar
Bentley
Denali

and the ubiquitous...

Porsche, Lexus and Mercedes

And we have celeb baby #2 for 2009.

Lisa Bonet (you remember her as Denise Huxtable from the Cosby Show) and her husband Jason Momoa had a baby boy. Now before I comment...he's Hawaiian.

Let's give a warm round of applause and an aloha for:

Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa

If you want to see what it all means check out the article here: Lisa Bonet Welcomes a Baby Boy

I'm going to go do some serious tongue and jaw exercises in the meantime until I can figure out how to pronounce it.

PS. Her other two kids are named Lola and Zoe so why she chose to do that to her son is beyond me. smdh.

Yo Mama (Round 2)

I think I am going to make this a regular feature... yo mama!

Ok the deal is, in most my regular search haunts when you search for baby names they are listed with the names of the mother, father or both depending on the source. That means that sometimes I inadvertantly get 2 or 3 funny names for the list for the price of one. A good majority of the time it's the mothers' names that catch me off guard more than the kids. Mostly because I'm sitting there thinking that in theory these women are between let's say, 17-35 years old, which means they've had 2-3 decades to deal with whatever verbal monstrosity was scribbled onto their birth certificate.

And the funny part is, these are the ones I see most often giving their children the easiest of names. Ah, delicious irony. All I have to say is chile better you than me.

Here's a small sample:

Domenitrix
Teawanna
EarleAnna
Patches
Ureka
Infinitee

Lavender
Persia
Starstronnia
Sylver
Rhapsody
Grandeur
Beirut

Turquoise

Way Down Yonder in Mississippi...

There was an interesting article today on yahoo on how Mississippi has replaced New Mexico and Texas as the state with the highest teen birth rate. Check the story out here: Mississippi has highest teen pregnancy rate

And since I have already "messed with Texas" I thought today I would do an ode to Mississippi.



Now I don't know too much about Mississppi, except how to spell it and what I remember from my un-intentional drive across the entire state about 3 years ago. What I did learn is that maaaaaan can they name 'em down there...sheesh! Not only did I find some babies, but I found some mamas with some hot mess atrocious names. I plan to post those in another "yo mama" blog later in the week.

Catfish and confederate flags aside, here is today's naughty list courtesy of our friends in the Magnolia state:

Takota
Ziquavion
Rush
Malajiah
Chancas
L'Kadryn
Dynastee
Zy'Reonnia
Zandler
Fa'vvon
Tylandric
Kymper
Nuseka

The irony award:

LaJaedan
(sadly adding a prefix just made it more of a mess. Le grand *sigh*)

And the winner of the parents had to be World of Warcraft junkies award:

Aragorn

And so it begins...

Well, it could be worse... in my first celebrity baby posting for 2009 Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell apparently had twin girls named:

Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip

Ok... not excruciatingly horrid, but what's with the triple naming and the flower references??

Goodbye 2008

Happy New Year!

Out with the old and in with the new right?

While I am waiting to see what the class of 2009 has in store, here is my unofficial name resolution list.

8 Names/Name Trends That Should Go Out with 2008:

1. Jayden/Aiden and any spelling variation of the the two. Neither one of these names is bad, but if parents think they are being either trendy or original picking either one of these names as soon as their child hits pre-school age they will find they were sorely mistaken.

2. Brooklyn Naming your child after any borough of New York is not a good look. Especially when you've never been, have no affiliation with or live anywhere near NYC. Uggggh!

3. anything ending in 'Asia'- My'asia, Ki-Asia, T'asia, Malaysia-- just ghetto fabulous!

4. names ending in 'ee'- Emilee, Averee, Kailee. I'm sorry, but the double 'e' names always reminds me of some overly amped bubble headed cheerleader/future sorority chick. Like OMG make it stop.

5. random 'Y'- hate this trend with a passion. Why is it so hard to add a vowel somewhere, ANYWHERE? and what's the deal with adding random 'Y's in names that don't need them.

6. dead/aging rock star names- dylan, hendrix, jagger--your child has a better shot as being an accountant, lawyer or a teacher than a rock star, so why burden them with a rock star name. If they really do become rockstars, they'll probably change their names anyway

7. Nevaeh- again, in about 2-4 years you can expect to step into any pre-school or kindergarten class and find about 5-6 little Nevaeh's running around. I'm just waiting to find the kid named Lleh

8. Patience and Honesty. I'm willing to bet they will someday grow up to be strippers or guests on Maury.

Let the weird names begin. Let's see what 2009 has in store...

And how exactly do you sign the cards....

WNTNTB will be on hiatus until the new year. New names will be stacked in the arsenal and ready to kick off 2009. Until then here are some of my favorite recent "weird name" articles.

Swedish couple fights to name their baby Metallica
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,263700,00.html

Judge makes child a ward of the court to change her name from Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii
http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2008-07-24-New-Zealand_N.htm

The real Dow and Indiana Jones
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/08/01/unusual.names.irpt/index.html

And then... the child with 25 middle names
http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=147326&in_page_id=34

50% off- Today Only

Last minute holiday shopping and bargain basement markdown names. Ah, I love December.

Here's today blue light specials:

Bonniesha

Tuesdy (not a typo...it was spelled with no 'a')

Sundae (and if her brother's name is Whipped Cream I'm done!)

Septymber

Saint

Trill (so many jokes are coming...)

Ly'Rique (wtf???)

Brax (not Braxton, just Brax like they were just too lazy to spell it out...lol)

Trentnidy (again...wtf???)

Author

Phynix

Vanity (I'ma sex shooter/shooting love in you direction...de de de de/de de de deeeeee. MY bad!)

Hennessy (so ghetto fab)

Tron

and this catastrophe:

Ne'Vayah

side commentary: Neveah (which is Heaven spelled backwards) is a name which I am increasing starting to dislike because it is becoming waaaay too trendy for it's own good. The novelty has worn off. So to take an already too trendy name and try to spell it creatively creates an ill fated disaster waiting to happen as with the above. *Smdh* Huge sigh. Eyes rolling. Smacking forehead.

Well, mommy had a craving for...

Ok...now let me explain this one. I want to say this can't be this child's real name. Benefit of the doubt is that the parents wrote down a nickname on the card they give you to fill out when the baby gets his/her picture taken--because no parent in their right mind could possibly think this was a great name for a girl. However---if I am wrong, and I very well could be...

See for yourself... *smh*. Click on it to get a better look.

Yes... it's Pumpkin Pie.

Everything is Bigger in Texas

Well, I already picked on Georgia, so today is my ode to the great state of Texas. These are oddly named children born in the lone star state

Benedict

Elvis

Boston (um...ok)

Jaxxsen (he'll have to lap dance to make enough to add that extra X to his name)

Ga'Zelle (def: an animal, usually found in Africa and hunted by lions for food)

Vittoriah

Symphony (actually...I kind of like this one, I've just never seen it used as a name before hence why it made the list)

Fidel

Robneka

Beyonce (no comment)

Alizey (the liquor was kickin in when they picked the name)

Tatorey (insert your own jokes and one liners here)

Denim

Riot (wtf????)

Evili (it's just cutting it too close to Evil)

Paradise

German

Fester (again wtf???? the only thing that would've made this my best find ever was if their last name had been Adams)

and my new Texas favorite:

Azriel ok...in the parents' defense this is a legitimate Jewish name, HOWEVER maybe it's me, but it will always make me think of Gargamel's cat on the Smurfs--it's not quite spelled the same, but...

I Can't Imagine What the Invitations Would Say...

Wow. My co-worker was nice enough to send me this. This isn't so much a bad baby name story as it is just confusingly ironic.

The gist of the story is ShopRite grocery store refused to make a cake for a 3 year old's birthday party because... wait for it, wait for it... the child's name is Adolf Hitler.

Here's the link: http://consumerist.com/5111161/shoprite-refuses-to-make-a-cakefor-adolf-hitler

Oh, btw their other child is named Aryan Nation



I. am. at. a. total. loss. for. words.

Stocking Stuffers

We're all in the spirit of Christmas shopping and bargain hunting...so no category today. Today's list is just recent random finds--or better yet, why don't we just call these stocking stuffers

Harlem (did I or did I NOT talk this name up like 3 blogs ago??? LMAO)
Anubis
Earth
Mannix
Gemini (who btw is a Libra)
Xaxier (I don't know how to pronounce it, I won't try, don't ask)
Clover
Mi'Amour
Khampagne
Majkiel
Prince Exzodus (what did we say about random X's and Z's? did we learn NOTHING last week)
Sisco (insert random "Thong Song" joke here--P.S. Cisco-spelled as so and as seen in the photo is also an alcoholic beverage)


J-Z (that is sooooo NOT a typo)
Atreyu (does anyone besides me remember "The Neverending Story"?)

and today's winner of the "I hope your name does not set the tone for you future" award:

Parole

It's funnier when you see it in context...

So I found this name today...it's not quite as bad as some of the other ones, but it tickled me.

Aside from being a tad bit what we call "country," you have to watch the following video for context and you'll see why I found it funny: