Tales From the Open Mic Part 3

Haven't had one of these moments in awhile.

Was standing outside a venue last night after a mini fight broke out between a couple (nothing but drama...lol) and I'm talking to the bouncer and the host of another venue (who I'd never met until last night)...

Somehow we got to talking about our kids. The host says he has a 17 year old. The bouncer gives me a look and says "oh he started young--he started at 12"

I think he's joking so I ask the host how old he is. He says...

29

[insert pause. do the math in your head. make the same screw face I just did and then continue reading]

The host walks away for a second to check on one of the people from the fight and the bouncer turns to me and says "and you know what his name is?"

[wait for it...wait for it...]

Jesus

that's "Geez-us" btw not "Hey-seus"

*drops mic walks away*

Tales From the Open Mic Part 2

I'm going to post a full list today, but I got yet another interesting name from a poetry spot...

A poet was doing a piece about childhood crushes and mentioned a girl by the name of ...

April January

Yes, that is her actual first and last name. Trust me we all asked. LOL. Actually, the irony is there are 9 months between April and January, but I digress.

So April January wherever you are, there is a poet who remembers you fondly.

Tales from the Open Mic

These are true stories that have happened to me within the past week...

Story #1:

Last week I went to a poetry spot and somehow (don't ask, because the truth is I don't know) the host started talking about bad baby names. I'm paraphrasing here...She said something to the effect of "I have a friend who is a pre-school teacher and she had this cute little girl in her class named Dia...I'm thinking Dia that's different but cute, my friend said that's not her name I just refuse to call her by her FULL name...which is... Chalmydia."

A girl in the audience spoke up and she said "you think that's bad, I work in a NICU and we just had a baby in there name G'noreah (pronounced like Je-nora)"

Story #2:

So last night I went to another open mic poetry reading. While I was standing outside this girl walks by with this little brown baby--I mean so cute I almost swore it was a doll. Absolutely precious little girl with fat cheeks in a little warm suit because it was kinda chilly...you know I had to ask...

Me: "What's her name?"

(I'm sorry I am spelling this by phonetics)

Girl: "O-be-di-ji-ah."

Me: "Say that again"

Girl: "O-be-di-ji-ah."

me thinking to self: wish I had not left my phone at home, feeling the need to blog this immediately.

Smh. And I'm done. Poor precious baby.