Worst Celeb Baby Names

Came across the short funny video about some of the worst celebrity baby names from last year:



More celeb baby names (and there are a few doozies in there that I missed...lol) can be found by clicking here .

Pimp My Kid

I'm so tired of people naming their kids after cars. When did this become trendy and why can't we hit the brakes. Next thing you know, the kid will have a custom diaper kit complete with spinners on the pacifier...



Plus I get the feeling some of these kids might be named after their place of conception.

Grande Marquis
Titan
Solaris
Cobra
Avalon
Caprice
Elantra
Jetta
Sequoia
Talon
Diamante
Legacy
Stealth
Cougar
Bentley
Denali

and the ubiquitous...

Porsche, Lexus and Mercedes

And we have celeb baby #2 for 2009.

Lisa Bonet (you remember her as Denise Huxtable from the Cosby Show) and her husband Jason Momoa had a baby boy. Now before I comment...he's Hawaiian.

Let's give a warm round of applause and an aloha for:

Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa

If you want to see what it all means check out the article here: Lisa Bonet Welcomes a Baby Boy

I'm going to go do some serious tongue and jaw exercises in the meantime until I can figure out how to pronounce it.

PS. Her other two kids are named Lola and Zoe so why she chose to do that to her son is beyond me. smdh.

Yo Mama (Round 2)

I think I am going to make this a regular feature... yo mama!

Ok the deal is, in most my regular search haunts when you search for baby names they are listed with the names of the mother, father or both depending on the source. That means that sometimes I inadvertantly get 2 or 3 funny names for the list for the price of one. A good majority of the time it's the mothers' names that catch me off guard more than the kids. Mostly because I'm sitting there thinking that in theory these women are between let's say, 17-35 years old, which means they've had 2-3 decades to deal with whatever verbal monstrosity was scribbled onto their birth certificate.

And the funny part is, these are the ones I see most often giving their children the easiest of names. Ah, delicious irony. All I have to say is chile better you than me.

Here's a small sample:

Domenitrix
Teawanna
EarleAnna
Patches
Ureka
Infinitee

Lavender
Persia
Starstronnia
Sylver
Rhapsody
Grandeur
Beirut

Turquoise

Way Down Yonder in Mississippi...

There was an interesting article today on yahoo on how Mississippi has replaced New Mexico and Texas as the state with the highest teen birth rate. Check the story out here: Mississippi has highest teen pregnancy rate

And since I have already "messed with Texas" I thought today I would do an ode to Mississippi.



Now I don't know too much about Mississppi, except how to spell it and what I remember from my un-intentional drive across the entire state about 3 years ago. What I did learn is that maaaaaan can they name 'em down there...sheesh! Not only did I find some babies, but I found some mamas with some hot mess atrocious names. I plan to post those in another "yo mama" blog later in the week.

Catfish and confederate flags aside, here is today's naughty list courtesy of our friends in the Magnolia state:

Takota
Ziquavion
Rush
Malajiah
Chancas
L'Kadryn
Dynastee
Zy'Reonnia
Zandler
Fa'vvon
Tylandric
Kymper
Nuseka

The irony award:

LaJaedan
(sadly adding a prefix just made it more of a mess. Le grand *sigh*)

And the winner of the parents had to be World of Warcraft junkies award:

Aragorn

Enough Already...

Now a few days ago I posted a blog stating that one of the trends I think should go far far away in 2009 in the whole Jayden/Aiden thing.

Lemme tell you why...

First let me say we have a Jadyn (spelled as such) in my family.

Now, I search for GAT ("good and terrible"...lol) names everyday. And I don't care when the "surveys" say-- on every hosiptal/nursery/birth announcement website I use, in every city, every month of the year I come across at LEAST 5 kids named Jayden. It's turned unisex. It's gotten crazy.

Jada Smith and her son Jayden

Just to show you how overly common it is...it went from being #294 on the Social Security name list in 1999 to #18 in 2007--that effectively should kill it from further consideration.

Now add to that the creative folk who think that just because they spell it "creatively" it's really going to make a difference. [face screwing up into look of bewilderment/confuzzlement]. Um...

Allow me to enlighten you...

Here are some of the various incantations of JAYDEN I have come across:

Jayden
Jaiden
Jaden
Jadyn
Jaaden
Jaydin
Jaidin
Jaydon
Jaidon
Jaidyn
Jai'din
Jai'dyn
Jaydyn
J-din

and...my personal favorite...

Jydyn

Seriously? Can we buy a vowel please?

If I tell you it doesn't make a difference how you spell it, will it make a difference? I suppose not. Ay dios mio, make it stop.

Britany Spears and her son Jayden James

And so it begins...

Well, it could be worse... in my first celebrity baby posting for 2009 Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell apparently had twin girls named:

Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip

Ok... not excruciatingly horrid, but what's with the triple naming and the flower references??

And how exactly do you sign the cards....

WNTNTB will be on hiatus until the new year. New names will be stacked in the arsenal and ready to kick off 2009. Until then here are some of my favorite recent "weird name" articles.

Swedish couple fights to name their baby Metallica
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,263700,00.html

Judge makes child a ward of the court to change her name from Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii
http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2008-07-24-New-Zealand_N.htm

The real Dow and Indiana Jones
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/08/01/unusual.names.irpt/index.html

And then... the child with 25 middle names
http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=147326&in_page_id=34

50% off- Today Only

Last minute holiday shopping and bargain basement markdown names. Ah, I love December.

Here's today blue light specials:

Bonniesha

Tuesdy (not a typo...it was spelled with no 'a')

Sundae (and if her brother's name is Whipped Cream I'm done!)

Septymber

Saint

Trill (so many jokes are coming...)

Ly'Rique (wtf???)

Brax (not Braxton, just Brax like they were just too lazy to spell it out...lol)

Trentnidy (again...wtf???)

Author

Phynix

Vanity (I'ma sex shooter/shooting love in you direction...de de de de/de de de deeeeee. MY bad!)

Hennessy (so ghetto fab)

Tron

and this catastrophe:

Ne'Vayah

side commentary: Neveah (which is Heaven spelled backwards) is a name which I am increasing starting to dislike because it is becoming waaaay too trendy for it's own good. The novelty has worn off. So to take an already too trendy name and try to spell it creatively creates an ill fated disaster waiting to happen as with the above. *Smdh* Huge sigh. Eyes rolling. Smacking forehead.

Well, mommy had a craving for...

Ok...now let me explain this one. I want to say this can't be this child's real name. Benefit of the doubt is that the parents wrote down a nickname on the card they give you to fill out when the baby gets his/her picture taken--because no parent in their right mind could possibly think this was a great name for a girl. However---if I am wrong, and I very well could be...

See for yourself... *smh*. Click on it to get a better look.

Yes... it's Pumpkin Pie.

Everything is Bigger in Texas

Well, I already picked on Georgia, so today is my ode to the great state of Texas. These are oddly named children born in the lone star state

Benedict

Elvis

Boston (um...ok)

Jaxxsen (he'll have to lap dance to make enough to add that extra X to his name)

Ga'Zelle (def: an animal, usually found in Africa and hunted by lions for food)

Vittoriah

Symphony (actually...I kind of like this one, I've just never seen it used as a name before hence why it made the list)

Fidel

Robneka

Beyonce (no comment)

Alizey (the liquor was kickin in when they picked the name)

Tatorey (insert your own jokes and one liners here)

Denim

Riot (wtf????)

Evili (it's just cutting it too close to Evil)

Paradise

German

Fester (again wtf???? the only thing that would've made this my best find ever was if their last name had been Adams)

and my new Texas favorite:

Azriel ok...in the parents' defense this is a legitimate Jewish name, HOWEVER maybe it's me, but it will always make me think of Gargamel's cat on the Smurfs--it's not quite spelled the same, but...

Spare parts

I typically update this blog during the weekdays so I have time to research, but this just fell in my lap...

So, I was on my way home yesterday and I hear on the radio that (singer) Usher and his wife had a new baby boy. Their last son (born a year ago) is named...Usher Raymond the V. So I was kinda curious to know what the name would be...would he pull a George Foreman and go with Usher the VI? Ah, no so luck. The newest edition to the weird celeb baby roster is...

Naviyd Ely

Smh. Sigh.

Now Ely is not so bad...but Naviyd is a new one on me. Definitely made up, probably from the spare parts of other names they had on their list. I imagine the conversation going something like:

TF: If it's a girl how about Navy.
UR: Ok weird, but I like it, how about we go with David for a boy.
TF: Kinda boring but ok.
UR: Wait! We're celebrities why not follow the trend of coming up with some off the wall name that no one can pronounce and no one's ever heard of.
TF: Ok what do you suggest?
UR: Hmmm...

and the rest is history.

Here's the article from US Magazine

http://www.usmagazine.com/news/its-another-boy-for-usher

It's funnier when you see it in context...

So I found this name today...it's not quite as bad as some of the other ones, but it tickled me.

Aside from being a tad bit what we call "country," you have to watch the following video for context and you'll see why I found it funny:

Ah the good old days...and the holidays

So I was poking around for names today and came across this video. Earlier this year there was a great book called "Bad Baby Names." The authors did an interview on one of the morning shows. Here's the clip:



Inspired by this and in honor of the holiday season... I did a quick seach of ancestry.com for some quirky holiday related names.

Wreath Sellers
Candy Cane
Mistletoe Soldier
Holiday Coester
Holiday Holiday
North Pole
Sister Mary Nativity
Blitzen A Giannopulos
Hanukkah Walker
Snow Day
December Lewis
New Year
Santa Claus
Christmas Eve
Christmas Day

and of course several people named...

Merry Christmas

Brought to You By the Letters XY and Z

XY and Z are easliy the 3 most confusing letters of the alphabet. Because, placed in ANY word they instantly causes confusion concerning spelling and pronounciation...not to mention there are few vowel combinations that work with those letters...in particular X and Z.


So why then may I ask do some parents feel the need to sprinkle X's so liberally into a child's name that if you removed all the other letters they become close to porn status.


See for yourself...

Xaukeria
Xzavier ( 76 points in Scrabble)/Iaexavier
Xchyler
Xitlally
Xyion
Xzavijhon
Xzavious
Xzorion (must be related to Xzavious)
Yaxi
Zahajaha
Zalax
Zyzerria
Yquivius (Who’s his little brother? Wachovia?)
Zepplin

Winner of the eXceptionally confusion combination of letters award:

Xochiquetzal


Winner of the X factor award for outstanding achievement using one letter:

Xaylor Xayden Xeray

Huked on Fonix Wurks Foar Mi

From the text message generation comes the ever annoying trend of purposely "misspelling" names...

Now, before you get your knickers in a bunch, I'm not talking about minor variations i.e. Eric/Erik or John/Jon...

I'm talking about adding so many extra letters and syllables that the child's name begins to resemble the Soul Train scamble board. Let me just give you who think this trend is cute, a quick lesson in linguistics...in the English language, certain letters do not make a natural sound when forcibly smushed together--i.e X and J, hence they should NOT be combined to try to make an otherwise normal sounding name "look" different or exotic...

For example...

Ayrikka (Erica)
Adecyn
Daisja (Deja)
Cerenitee/Sirrenitie (Serenity)
Aun'dreyah (Andrea)
Sacoiya/Sikoya (as if Sequoia wasn't hard enough for most people to spell)
Nah'Diyaa (Nadia)
Nyckolle
Mckynzy (can I buy a vowel?)
Kneah (Nia)
Knoah
Jewellianna (Juliana)
Elyzibythe
Endeyah (India)

And the winner of the your name will ALWAYS be flagged when you do spell check award:

Vyquetoriya (Victoria)

Someday you'll have your 15 minutes...

Last post it was the NFL, today like papparazzi on a mission I'm targeting celebrities...well at least bad celebrity baby names. Unlike the judges in the OJ trial, I will not let their celebrity status get them off the hook for these egregious crimes against their offspring. Oranges and Apples are one thing, but some of these folks have taken the word celebrity to a whole new level...

Well look at it like this, they're rich, so at least their kids can afford the years of therapy it will take to undo the damage.

Jermajesty son of Jermaine Jackson
Denim Cole and Diezel Ky sons of singer Toni Braxton (jeans and gas…what were you thinking?)
Atlanta Noo child of John Taylor of Duran Duran
Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee actor Jason Lee of My Name is Earl
Speck Wildhorse singer, John Mellencamp
Audio Science actress Shannyn Sossamon
Kyd son of David Duchovny and Tea Leoni
Moxie Crimefrighter and Zolten daughter and son of Penn Gillette of Penn & Teller
Tu child of Rob Morrow and Debbie Ayre…and yes the kid’s name is Tu Morrow
Rebel, Rocket, Racer and Rogue (Robert Rodriguez, director)
Pirate son of Jonathan Davis, singer Korn
Seven and Puma son of Erykah Badu and Andre 3000 from Outkast and daughter of rapper DOC
Kingston and Zuma Nesta Rock- Gwen Stefani
Poet and Jagger Joseph Blue (a girl by the way!!)- Soleil Moon-Frye (aka Punky Brewster )
Bluebell Madonna Geri Halliwell (of the Spice Girls)
Calico daugher of rocker Alice Cooper
Whizdom and Tryumph- daughters of NBA star Jayson Williams
Yamma child of the late great James Brown
Alchamy Lance Henriksen/ Jane Pollack
Rebop child of Todd Rundgren
Elijah Bob Patricus Guggi Q , son Bono of U2
Banjo son of Rachel Griffiths
Bamboo son of rapper Big Boi of Outkast
Blue Angel The Edge (of U2)
Ptolemy son of actress Gretchen Mol

And my absolute favorite...I can't remember what the initials actually stand for...

I.P. Freely son of actor David Carradine

NFL- "Named Foolishly League"

I don't like football. Really I don't. I just can't seem to get into a sport where a bunch of grown men wearing tight pants chase around a piece of leather while purposely tackling each other, patting each other on the a$$ and then dance around like MC Hammer on crack once they reach the end zone (several hours later).

However, it has not escaped my attention that along with having big muscles, no neck, some speed and a willingness to endure brutal punishment at the hands of 300 pound men hitting you head on in your guts for a million plus bucks a year, an odd name seems almost a prerequisite for joining the NFL.

So after some research and consultation with a few guy friends of mine here are some of the more off the wall names of real (mostly current) NFL players. Most of these are first name only...although I did find a few intriguing first/last name combinations.

Plaxico

Tuff

Ocho Cinco (it's legally changed)

Tebucky

Lawyer

Peerless

D'Brickashaw

Earthwind

Atari

Craphonso

Elvis

Cletis

Aveion

Na'il

Cadillac

Tank

Napoleon

Rock

Early

Shawntae (typically this is a girl's name)

Ritchie Incognito

Syndric Steptoe

And my favorite just because you really can't say it with a straight face...

Dick Butkus

Georgia on my mind

In honor of my visit last week, today I want to pay special hommage to the great state of Georgia.

Now just so you know, I have a special affinity for Georgia. I lived there for several years, my daughter was born there, etc. etc. However... I have met some rather "interestingly" named folks during my stint there. To prove that it's not just me, the local paper published a list last year of some of the more "exotic" names that have come up in birth records over the past few years. The list was pretty extensive and very funny...Here are some of my favorite/highlights. The numbers indicate how many children were given that particular name.

You can never say the phrase "you weren't born in a zoo"

Badger 1
Cobra 2
Coyote 1
Cricket 5
Lamb 1
Viper 1
Tiger 16
Manatee 1




And what do you want to be when you grow up?

Attorney 2
Doctor 1
Jockey 2
Guitarist 1
Writer 1
Poet 1
Spy 1

(could be worse...at least no one named their child Thief)

I did say Georgia right? I think these parents might've been a little confused about location



Atlanta 19
Chicago 2
Boise 2
Dallas 820
Houston 220
Juneau 1
Memphis 63
Montreal 25
Raleigh 104
Philadelphia 1


A bit of international sophistication perhaps...it only sounds swanky and exotic

Madrid 4
Malaysia 143
Korea 11
Jamaica 36
Antigua 1
Trinidad 12
Nigeria 67
Seoul 1
Tijuana 11

Someday, mommy is hoping for an endorsement deal


Adidas 2

Converse 2
Godiva 3
Ikea 20
L'oreal 3
Nike 1
Atari 4
Sega 1
Sony 3
Timberland 10


And the winner(s) of the I'll take one guess on what your parents we're thinking when they named you award:

Wachovia 13

Winner of the mommy obviously let daddy name the baby award:

Michelob (thank goodness there is only 1)


see more oddly named Georgians here http://projects.ajc.com/names/list/

Aaaaand we're back...

Great article on yahoo today about what NOT to name a baby

http://blogs.static.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/20573.html

My favorite includes people who've taken to naming their children Batman.